Anger Profiling

There are three general anger profiles which are exploder, stuffer, and combination.  We will be taking a look at each anger profile to help you determine which one you fit into and how you can best manage and deal with your anger in a healthy manner. 

Signs that you might be an exploder:
Physical sensations in the body like indigestion, headaches or throbbing chest
Identifying being angry is just the way you are or were born
Using anger to control or silence other people or animals
Have lost valued relationships due to anger issues
Losing control when angry – raising your voice, throwing things, hitting things, etc
After an angry episode you later ask yourself what happened
You’re angry more than you’re happy
You sometimes act angry in an effort to get your way
When someone gives you constructive criticism, you get angry
You have difficulty letting go of issues you’ve had with other people
You get more angry the more you think about something that makes you angry
Obsess about a problem or triggering event over and over again to the point where you can’t think about anything else
Anger is expressed before even thinking
Drawn into situations that bring out your anger

If several of these statements ring true for you, you may be an exploder.  Exploders feel intense emotion and will do just about anything to put a lid on it.  Most of the time, they blow up on the closest person to them whether that’s proximity or safety of the relationship. Exploders are generally triggered by feeling wronged and look for a target at which to focus their anger on.  It could be the actual person, place or thing that caused the anger in the first place, but it can also be an innocent bystander, spouse, significant other, child, co-worker, etc. 

Exploders are overwhelmed by the uncomfortable emotion of anger and seek to vent.  It may feel like anger is an energy that must be removed from their body as soon as possible. Exploders don’t know how to tolerate angry feelings long enough to get clear on what’s really going on at the root of the issue. When in an angry rage, they lose their rational thought.  Typically, an exploder’s expression of anger is simply unloading the rage onto others.  Most of the time, the real issue is missed entirely.  Many times, exploders are lacking emotional support from driving people who care for them away.  They are lonely and feel lost in their relationships. 

A deep rooted issue for exploders is a feeling of not being good enough and that they’re flawed.  They might have grown up in families where they weren’t made to feel important or special.  They didn’t receive a lot of positive attention.  They use anger as a means to push people away for safety and distance.  Feeling isolated and fearing abandonment, they protect themselves by rejecting someone else before that someone has a chance to reject them. 

Exploders are generally drawn to being feared, dominant, powerful, and in control.  They may be at a point where anger is simply part of their daily routine.  They’re really angry a lot of the time and they don’t even know why.  It’s typically the result of a deep rooted issue from their past that they’re still hurting from. Hurt people, hurt people.  Hurt people bleed on those who didn’t cut them when they don’t dig deep and resolve issues from the past. Anger serves as a mask to cover up the pain.  Being angry and negative is their emotional norm, unfortunately. They’re generally pessimistic and throw plenty of tantrums.

Signs you might be a Suppressor:
Cover up feelings of depression
Suffer from addiction or substance abuse (includes food, sex, gambling, drugs, alcohol, etc)
Hesitant about pursuing goals or making positive lifestyle changes
Self-criticism or feeling guilty is a regular occurrence
Take on other people’s problems making them your own responsibility or enabling others with unhealthy behaviors
Listen to loud music
Go on shopping sprees
Exercise too much
Physically and emotionally withdraw from people
Get lost in video games, TV, hobbies, etc
Immerse themselves in work or other projects

Suppressors will do just about anything to keep the peace, even if the decision or behavior supported isn’t in their best interest.  Some suppressors think that anger is destructive and needs to be avoided at all costs.  They also believe that confrontation needs to be avoided at all costs. 

Suppressors are aware of their anger and are able to feel it building up within them.  Instead of releasing it, they’ll bury and hide it.  They’re worried of the consequences of releasing their anger.  Suppressors put a lot of effort into being nice and being a good person.  At times, they may exhibit passive-aggressive behaviors because they’re so full of bottled up anger it slips out inadvertently.

To a suppressor, showing anxiety is more acceptable than anger.  They’ll allow anxiety to overtake their actual feelings of anger.  Suppressors may take on a victim mentality where they’re willing to take abuse from other people in an effort to sweep things under the rug or to hold onto the relationship even if it’s unhealthy. They’ll blame themselves for the negative behavior of others, come to the conclusion that they don’t deserve anyone that treats them well or come up with excuses for their abuser’s unhealthy behaviors.  In essence, they’re giving other people permission to dump all over them. 

The basic message that anger is intended to deliver is that something needs to be dealt with.  If we avoid the feelings they’ll just show up later as a limit on how much joy we feel, disease, anxiety, depression, etc. 

Signs you might be a Combination:
Used to be an Exploder and/or a Suppressor
Exhibit general emotional avoidance habits
Suppressor tendencies with random Exploder episodes
Overreact to minor things more often than not
Denies anger to keep it at bay
Impatient, cranky or irritable
Reactions out of proportion to triggering events
Reacting to unaddressed pain from the past
Feelings of guilt after an angry episode

People who are a combination, unfortunately, carry aspects of each side of the spectrum of Exploders and Suppressors.  The level to which they feel anger is dependent upon how safe they feel in the situation and the people involved. 

After identifying which anger profile you are, you are able to become aware of how you react and respond to anger.  Take a good look at your life to figure out where you learned this behavior from.  Assess how this behavior is affecting your life. Without awareness, change is very difficult.  Now that you have this awareness, it’s up to you to determine how the cost of anger has impacted your life positively and negatively.  You get to decide if you’re going to continue lugging the pain around that’s bottled up within you or if you’re going to heal through it for increased quality of life.